Online dating, NOT what it’s cracked up to be!

I was flabbergasted to find out today that half of British singles have never asked someone on a date face to face!!! What is even worst, 46% said that they’ve never dumped anyone in person! Really guys? What is the matter? Cat got your tongues?

Last year I was advising a up and coming tech company and was seated next to their customer service department which was COMPLETELY SILENT. Lots of tapping at keyboards but not a word was ever spoken. They were so unwilling to actually have a live conversation that in the end the even REMOVED the phone number from the website.

Of course it’s much less intimidating to communicate with a date (or customer) online because you don’t have to look them in the eye but while hiding behind a keyboard is easier, at some point you’re going to have to talk to your date in person, I presume… or maybe we will all upload ourselves on the matrix and communicate through the meeting of the minds!

Onwards to online dating, loved and hated at the same time and in equal measures. Here are some real stats to consider:

  • Statistically, women dating online state that they prefer “nice guys” to “bad guys” or a “bit of both.” Men dating online claim they prefer “the modern career girl” over the “next door type.”
  • 26-year-old women have more online pursuers than the average man but, at age 48, men have twice as many online pursuers as the average women.
  • A third of women engaged in online dating have sex on the first date.

So, if you are a young (presumably pretty and thin), modern, career woman looking for sex, then knock yourself out. Online dating is the one for you.

If however you happen to be older and not so modern, thin or pretty and a bit conventional about sex, then the statistics are against you. You will have loads of competition and will get rejected, ghosted and made to feel small and worthless on a daily basis. There is only one thing going for online dating and this is the volume of people who are on the platforms to meet other people. Don’t let these numbers fool you. The experience is almost universally disappointing, especially for women. And you know what? Most women (and men) are disillusioned about the whole thing. It has become a bit of running joke with my single girlfriends who regularly send me and each other outrageous texts they receive from men and laugh about them. A growing number of millennials are also part of this trend, with multiple studies showing most hate hookup culture and online dating — which have become synonymous.

So if online dating is not the solution, then what is? I have always maintained that within common hobbies and interests is where the best dating experiences are to be found. Meetup, outdoor groups, games cafes, etc. Find out what rocks your boat and you are bound to not only meet someone on your wavelength, but also to have conversations that are interesting and not forced. I recently read of a ski company that has made a business out of singles’ ski trips. What a better way to have a first kiss, snuggling by the fire in a chalet after having spent the day skiing together. Compare this to an awkward dinner date with someone who you just met on line and who is actually 10 years older and 30 pounds heavier than the picture you were attracted to!

I believe the takeaway here is to get thinking about your options instead of mindlessly swiping through Bumble or Tinder. Good luck!

Author of the Dream series for women, I love to help women find happiness.

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