There is no denying it. Daily beauty is a ball and chain! So much so that standards can slip and often dramatically. I am here to tell you that keeping up appearances matter and you can lose your man over it.

In the beginning, when you first meet you put an extraordinary amount of effort into it. Sometimes it takes as long as a week before your date. Hair, nails, facial, new outfit, you name it and it is actually exciting and fun. Anticipation runs high and motivation is strong. Nothing is too much in our effort to dazzle the new man in our lives. Jump out of bed at 6 am while he is still snoozing to brush our teeth and put on some makeup before pretending to be asleep again? No problem. Spend all our wages on a new outfit for our date? No sweat!

Then, once he is under your spell the novelty wears off and the tyranny of the daily beauty routine begins! Suddenly it’s not so much fun to put on a full face of makeup as soon as you open your eyes and your hair starts seriously complaining from the daily curling or straightening. Thongs, and other torturous lingerie are the first to go, followed closely by regular manicures, pedicures, waxing and dressing to the nines, just to sit on the sofa to watch TV.

As time passes, other unfortunate changes may happen including weight creeping on, exercise routine dropping off and you start living in a wardrobe consisting of sweatpants and worn PJs. He, of course, notices the changes but is too afraid to say anything and as long as there is regular sex, he may even tolerate the new you for some time. But rest assured, liberating yourself from the tyranny of the daily beauty routine is full of dangers.

Everyone knows that men are visual creatures. What this means in real life is that they really care about how you look. Just google “my girlfriend doesn’t take care of herself anymore” and you will get a flavour of what guys are really thinking but are too afraid to bring up in conversation. Women think that letting go of the drudgery of looking fab is OK once their man has fully appreciated their inner beauty. This is simply not the case. A man gets his status from the woman by his side. You need to stay on top of your gorgeousness sister!

Your man will not tell you because he is terrified that he may be branded shallow and sexist. Here is what a man was told (from other men) when he asked, whether it was wrong to ask his girlfriend to take care of herself more.

“I mean….man this is awkward even answering haha. I’m cringing at my keyboard.

You are allowed to care about things like hygiene and health etc. You aren’t wrong.

But you are going to catch a lot of shit from people about this question.

But if this absolutely has to be addressed, god help you, I would phrase it as an emphasis on the issues and not a condemnation on the person. And reiterate the “need for reciprocity in having a healthy lifestyle” in your partner.

Be prepared to deescalate the situation because you will probably hurt her feelings.”

And another one:

“People are going to condemn you for wanting what you want. It’s important to feel attracted to our partner. It’s something that a lot of these haters seem to forget, that attraction is a two way street. It baffles them that men have needs.

It’s quite shocking in today’s society, men have needs too! Holy shit! And it’s perfectly okay to ask your girlfriend to take care of herself more. It’s okay to have needs.

Having said that, you do have to approach this topic with extreme caution. I know this is an older question, but I’m writing this more for anyone else that is going through this same thing that needs to hear this.”

Really? Women are out to defend their right to be desired regardless of the state of their appearance? Yes, I can see how this is right up there with defending women’s vote. Come on ladies, put some effort into it. I know it is hard work, but it’s got to be done.

For your relationship to stay strong, do your man a favour and don’t force him to voice what he is thinking or worst leave you because he does not fancy you anymore.

So, as much as you would like to retire your arsenal and your eyelash curlers, do so at your own peril. Yes, he will leave you if you don’t keep up your appearance, because he will fall out of love with you. Any questions?




Author of the Dream series for women, I love to help women find happiness.

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Alexandra Filia

Alexandra Filia

Author of the Dream series for women, I love to help women find happiness.

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