Why do great girls end up with LOSERS?

My beautiful, smart, successful, outgoing and charming girlfriend got a text last night from her latest boyfriend of five months telling her that while he was dating her, he also managed to get his ex-girlfriend pregnant. He, or course, professed his endless love, pleading with her not to give up on the beautiful thing they have together…. Have the cake and eat it too. Charming.

If you think this story is unusual and far-fetched, think again. It seems like all the good guys are hiding under a rock and an army of losers are roaming the dating scene. I am not even talking about the guys that live on Tinder and other dating apps, most of who have shed their social graces while hiding under the cloak of digital anonymity. I am referring to the living, breathing and talking ones that you actually meet in person.

I have to ask the question, is the availability of special girls, such as my girlfriend so widely spread that they feel they can jerk them around and have two going at the same time?

There is of course availability like never before. Not because there are more wonderful women, but because they have become easier to reach. They are on social media willingly shedding their secrets and their mystery. Strolling through profiles on Facebook and Instagram, I see these girls in decked up in makeup, half-naked in bikinis, blowing kisses to the camera and to other unknown men who are browsing what they have to offer. To men it must feel like a hypermarket where everything is on sale and at a discount.

This attitude is changing the way men think about dating and relationships and this has an impact on all women including those, like my girlfriend, who are refusing to display their availability for the world to see. I am afraid ladies that we are torching our own happiness but falling victims to the buzz of getting a flurry of likes from semi-strangers. If love is a game, it must be poker, and we have to keep our cards close to our chest until it is the right time to reveal our hand. You can’t win at poker by giving out you full hand together with a running commentary of your strategy before the game has even started.

So, what is my advice to those of you who would like to play to win? I will suggest to you that you keep your man guessing, never allowing him to have all there is to know about you. Don’t let him put a tick on the box next to your name. If he wants to have you, he should have to do some work so that the prize at the end has been earned, not handed on a platter. When he opens up your Facebook page, he would learn and see little information. Just enough to keep him wondering about you, your friends, your life and your body.

If you are hesitating, let me give you an example. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where a dress you want is available in many colours and you are favouring a lovely yellow one? Then, the salesgirl informs you that they are sold out of green dresses. Suddenly, all you want is a green one. You are willing to pay more, go on the waiting list or rip it out of the hands of the girl who is standing in line to pay. Why is that? Green is not even your favourite colour… When you finally manage to get your hands on one, after going on Ebay and paying many times its true price, it becomes your favourite dress and you end up wearing it all summer. Its human nature, and when it comes to guys, you want to be the green dress. The one that is hard to get.

I know, I know. It has been said many times before, but in this age of easy availability of everything, including love, I felt that it should be told one more time. Ladies, take note and have a great weekend being the green dress.


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Alexandra Filia

Author of the Dream series for women, I love to help women find happiness.